The following information and resources have been provided courtesy of The Lurie Center for Autism, a program of Massachusetts General Hospital and Mass General for Children.

The Lurie Center for Autism is committed to advancing treatments for and knowledge about Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and other developmental disorders, and translating these discoveries into exceptional clinical care. A program of Massachusetts General Hospital and Mass General for Children, The Lurie Center is a multidisciplinary treatment, research, training, and advocacy organization dedicated to supporting individuals and their families across the lifespan.

This resource is intended to provide information so that you can be better informed. It is not a substitute for medical advice and should not be used to treat any medical conditions.

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Limit setting is telling your child the rule and then telling them what happens if they follow (or don’t follow) the rule. This can help your child to make good choices. Here are 10 limit setting tips.

1. Set up rules in advance:

For example: Homework needs to be completed right after snack; Thirty minutes of screen time is allowed after homework is completed; Must eat two bites of three different foods at dinner to get play/leisure time. Communicate these rules with your child throughout the day, not just when a limit needs to be set. Create a visual such as “house rules” or “car rules” with words/pictures.

2. Add in a reward:

Rewards are positive words, items or experiences that can be used to help motivate your child to complete a task or follow a rule. Rewards make it more likely for a child to do what you’re asking while staying calm. “If you follow your ‘car rules’ on the way home from school, you can watch the iPad for 10 minutes.” Or “Remember, you get a token for following your rules.” Or “If you eat 2 more pieces of broccoli, you can play with Legos.”

3. Make sure rules are clear:

Use words your child understands. When your child is upset, use fewer words. Instead of, “Go get your coat, mittens, hat, backpack and put your shoes on and then we’ll go outside to play.” Try, “First shoes, then outside.” You might also try pointing to the shoes without saying anything.

4. Allow time:

Give your child extra time to understand what you are asking... up to 15 seconds!

5. Stay calm and use positive language:

It’s hard to stay calm when your child is not doing what you ask them to do. Take deep breaths, take a break in another room, if possible, to stay calm. Focus on the positive behavior you want to see. For example, “Sit down” instead of “Stop jumping up and down.” Try not to respond to challenging questions, “Why should I?” as this will make you and your child more upset.

6. Make sure the rules are fair:

For example, let’s say your child is blowing bubbles with the straw instead of drinking. You first remind your child of the rule and the limit: “Drink out of your straw or I will need to take the straw away.” This gives your child a choice. If they choose to keep blowing bubbles, they lose the straw right away and then you can move on. Try not to threaten to take something away that is happening much later like dessert or screen time.

7. Enforce your limits:

If you cannot follow through on a limit, it is better to not set one. For example, do not tell your child that if they scream again at the playground, they are going home.... unless you really mean it!

8. Be consistent:

Once a limit has been set, make sure that you and others uphold the limit. Your child is more likely to follow a rule that is ALWAYS enforced as opposed to some of the time. Do not give up too soon; the behavior may get a little worse before it gets better, but it WILL get better!

9. Try different techniques to help your child follow rules:

• Choice making: Choices help to give a child power and are more likely to result in a positive outcome. These can include small choices. Instead of saying, “It’s time for homework,” you may try, “Do you want to start your homework now or in 5 minutes?... At the table or on the couch?”
• First-then: Try to follow difficult tasks or demands with something fun. “First brush teeth, then read stories.” Use visuals if helpful.
• Warnings: “In 5 minutes, play time is over, then bedtime.” Or “This is your first warning, if you throw toys again, play time is over.”
• Countdown: “iPad time is over, please hand it to me.... 5-4-3-2-1”
• Timers (audio and visual): “When the timer beeps, break is all done, time for shower.”
• Distraction and redirection: Sometimes distraction, “Hey, look at that car!” or redirection, “What is your favorite candy?” can help your child follow the rule.

10. Pick your battles:

If your child has a hard time hearing “No” or following rules, and many do, think carefully about which limits to set. Think safety! For example, you have to wear a helmet while riding a bike, but you might not have to wear a hat when it’s cold outside. This will help to create a more positive environment for your child and your family.

Limit setting is a learning opportunitythat can help things go better next time!